Letter to my Father

 Sometimes I wonder if I'm angry b/c you weren't the father I wanted, or if it's b/c you weren't the father I needed. Every woman wants to be "Daddy's little girl" but that's a concept I know nothing about. I remember crying the day you came home from jail; not happy tears, but angry bitter tears b/c you brought with you a love that was too strong for me to understand or accept. I try to rationalize that the way you treat me was the way you were raised, but how come you couldn't see that the hurt done to you, you were doing to me? I'm older now and I feel as if I never knew you, and the more you change, the less I know and understand. My heart and mind wants to blame you for failing me as a dad, but that takes too much energy; just easier to walk away and be done with everything. I want to love you, but it hurts me to keep you in my life. I blame you for my fear of love, marriage and kids; I lost my faith b/c I couldn't separate the man from the "man of God." I'm trying not to, but it's so damn easy to place my issues at your feet. Maybe one day I'll be free of the burdens I carry, and I'll be able to deal with you; but today, I just can't...