Can We Solve Our Own Problems
Men marry women hoping they never change; women marry men hoping that they will. Discussing this topic the other day with a friend, I realized that many couples have relationship troubles b/c they start off wanting different things. Men are visual and date/marry what they see in the here and now; for them marriage is the end, the goal, the final prize. But for women, we are motivated by the potential, the future ambition; for us a relationship or marriage is only the beginning, the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of the journey. I've come to realize that for men that cheat, it isn't because they want someone younger or prettier, they want the idea of who they were attracted to in the first place. Women we fail our men and ourselves when we become comfortable and routine; you didn't attract your man in sweat pants and a hair scarf, so why do you expect him to stay when that's what you now bring to the table? Yes, we may work full time and be just as busy or even busier with a family, but that is our role to play. We can't hate the other woman for giving our man what we were too tired or comfortable not to give him! And we can blame him for straying if we pushed him in that direction with our house shoe clad foot and gave him our flannel clad ass to kiss. Likewise, men, we were attracted to the dreams and desires you had, the potential you possessed; that's why we fell in love, and your charm and chivalry sealed the deal. We want that back. In today's society, complacency equals failure and we are doing our best to achieve on every end. When you stopped opening doors and admiring our beauty, we stopped opening our love; can you blame us because you let another man touch our heart with his words and ideas and captivate us with his charm because you felt we were a prize to put on the shelf? Can you really be angry that we strayed when you replaced us with the fellas, the game, or ideas or recapturing your youth? By no means do I condone cheating, but we must personally examine ourselves and our relationships on a daily basis to keep them alive and exciting; what you did to attract them, the same you have to do to keep them. Ladies, cook for your man in nothing but some heels, guys take her on a picnic and show your sensitive side. At the end of the day, love doesn't mean a thing if there's nothing for it to grow old and flourish on.
Men marry women hoping they never change; women marry men hoping that they will. Discussing this topic the other day with a friend, I realized that many couples have relationship troubles b/c they start off wanting different things. Men are visual and date/marry what they see in the here and now; for them marriage is the end, the goal, the final prize. But for women, we are motivated by the potential, the future ambition; for us a relationship or marriage is only the beginning, the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of the journey. I've come to realize that for men that cheat, it isn't because they want someone younger or prettier, they want the idea of who they were attracted to in the first place. Women we fail our men and ourselves when we become comfortable and routine; you didn't attract your man in sweat pants and a hair scarf, so why do you expect him to stay when that's what you now bring to the table? Yes, we may work full time and be just as busy or even busier with a family, but that is our role to play. We can't hate the other woman for giving our man what we were too tired or comfortable not to give him! And we can blame him for straying if we pushed him in that direction with our house shoe clad foot and gave him our flannel clad ass to kiss. Likewise, men, we were attracted to the dreams and desires you had, the potential you possessed; that's why we fell in love, and your charm and chivalry sealed the deal. We want that back. In today's society, complacency equals failure and we are doing our best to achieve on every end. When you stopped opening doors and admiring our beauty, we stopped opening our love; can you blame us because you let another man touch our heart with his words and ideas and captivate us with his charm because you felt we were a prize to put on the shelf? Can you really be angry that we strayed when you replaced us with the fellas, the game, or ideas or recapturing your youth? By no means do I condone cheating, but we must personally examine ourselves and our relationships on a daily basis to keep them alive and exciting; what you did to attract them, the same you have to do to keep them. Ladies, cook for your man in nothing but some heels, guys take her on a picnic and show your sensitive side. At the end of the day, love doesn't mean a thing if there's nothing for it to grow old and flourish on.
*This article was featured in the July/August edition of Mahogany Lounge*
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