No Longer Judged By The Color Of Our Skin

It's 2012, and it seems like we are still being judged by the color of our skin, and now apparently what we wear. But at the same time, I wonder; have we as a Black community brought the violence and judgement we face on a daily basis upon ourselves and to our doorstep? Daily, we glorify, uplift and cater to negative stereotypes that are placed upon us; living up to the labels of hood chick, video vixen, dope boy, hustla, baby mama, baby daddy with pride like it's an honor!! When did it become cool to promote these type of "careers" over being a lawyer, teacher, doctor or simply being legally employed? We spend so much time degrading each other, tearing ourselves down, intentionally act ghetto, ignant and uneducated, yet we are the first ones to complain that the White man is holding us down. I am a strong believer that every action has a reaction whether negative or positive, so why are we honestly so surprised when we are judged by society as no good and worthless if that is how we act? In the event of the Trayvon Martin tragedy, I am truly saddened that an innocent life has been stolen from us so young, but why are we so angry? Every day, our society engages in and ignores Black on Black crime, yet because a life was taken by someone other than one of "us" there is now a cry of outrage and a demand for justice? Where was everyone when this same act was occurring in our streets, schools, backyards by our own kind? A life was stolen because someone chose to believe in the stereotypes that we ourselves embraced and promoted; so who is the true criminal...him or us? No, I don't believe that a hoodie killed Trayvon, far from it; but I honestly feel that he ultimately became a victim of racism combined with ignorance and a foolish belief in stereotypes. If we continue to act like the "niggers" we are perceived to be, how can we honestly expect to see a change in our communities and lives? Propagating stupidity is only hurting us, and jumping on the bandwagon when someone is killed isn't doing us any good; what are we doing to keep our people, especially our Black men alive?  Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream that we become successful Black men and women living good lives and leaving legacies of pride and honor...now all we seem to be leaving is body bags. Until we honestly and truly begin to eradicate the stereotypes placed on us, stop living in mental bondage, and start to carry ourselves with dignity and respect, we are only fooling ourselves if we think change is truly going to come. No, I am not justifying Zimmerman's actions in any way; he is wrong and must be held fully accountable, but I think we also need to take a good hard look at ourselves as a whole and work to eradicate the negative actions that are ultimately holding us back, killing our people and our futures. Change starts with us, and if we honestly want to be judged by the content of our character, then it's about damn time we give society something worthy of content to see and judge other than our skin...

I Have No Time For You, Sorry

I recently moved to Lima, Ohio with my job, and one of the first things I had to find was a barbershop; can't walk around having my head looking a mess! Anyway, no matter what time I go, or what day, I always see this same young Black man sitting on the stoop trying to get my attention. I am always polite and I say hello, but I never stop and give him the time of day. Yesterday, as I was leaving, he said, " You just going to keep ignoring me Ma?" As I continued to walk to my car with a half-smile and quick wave in his direction, I wondered if he viewed himself as I did: young, handsome, seemingly able bodied, and lazy. Every day, he is sitting on his butt, keeping the stoop warm, and from what I can see, not working. I had the mind to turn around and approach him and ask what made him think that he was worth my time; I work, pay my own bills, have my own car, place to live, do for myself and have a very hard time asking others for help unless I really need it. Yes, I have been afforded more privileges than he appears to have, but what is stopping him from accomplishing the same thing as me? Instead of sitting on that stoop, why isn't he out beating the streets for a job? Even if it's cutting someone's grass, raking leaves, washing a car or selling bootleg dvds on the corner, why isn't he doing something? I told a friend about this, and he said, "maybe that is all he knows." And that's supposed to be an excuse? Martin Luther King Jr. only knew racism, did that stop him from searching for peace and change? Ghandi searched for peace in a world for of war and chaos. Our ancestors only knew slavery and oppression, did that stop them from fighting for and obtaining freedom? So, no in my mind "all he knows" is not an excuse to sit on the stoop and let life pass you by. If a man doesn't work, he doesn't eat, and this young Black man doesn't seem too concerned about his next meal. In order to succeed in life, you need to stay hungry, and go after what seems impossible; call me being stuck up or a snob, but I have no time for this young man or any other man for that matter who isn't at least achieving on my level. Seems like to me, our people have become too comfortable with accepting life as it is, and they have given up on achieving greatness in life, and that bothers me because we were born of struggle and know what success looks like; it's in our blood, our history, our culture. No I'm not trying to take away from this man because I don't know his story, and he might have a very legitimate reason for sitting on that stoop, but I highly doubt it. I think the next time I go for my haircut, I will take the time and ask this man what he does and what future he is trying to create by making that stoop his place of employment.

Sooo How Much Do You Make?

I was talking to a male friend of mine, and he said that he doesn't date women who make less than $30,000 a year, and if they have children, that goes up by $10,000 per child. At first, I was shocked because that seemed very superficial, but when I thought about it, it made some very decent sense. Why would you date someone who had four kids and making minimum wage? I know some women are reading this and feeling attacked; not at all, but can you blame a guy if he doesn't want to an instant bank to you and the basketball team of children that you have? And if you have that many children, I hope that you were married at least once and not having children with every man you were in a relationship with...but that's another topic for another time and I digress.  Anyway, back to what I was thinking; not judging in the least, but how can a woman adequately be able to provide for themselves, their children and still be able to equally bring to the table? In today's economy, couples can't afford the luxury of just one being the breadwinner. Then I took it to another level; how many women would eliminate that drama of bad men and relationships from their lives if they adopted that same attitude? Women are always complaining about their broke men and baby mama drama, well if this became a criteria, then there would be less drama to be had. And if a man was making decent money and NOT taking care of his child, then that would help you eliminate a "boy" from your dating pool. For men, this would hopefully be a wake up call to do better by your children and also be more aware of the consequences and responsibilities of casual sex. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that you should date someone based on their income, but I do believe that you should date someone that is at least on your level or better; dating someone and trying to bring them up only drains and burdens you. You end up giving your time, money and energy to that person rather than using that to uplift and better yourself; who is that helping and how is that worth it?  Say what you will, but I kinda like how my friend thinks; kinda thinking of using this in my own dating life...oh and I make well over $30,000 and have no children, so I don't want a man for his money; but I do want someone on the same level as me or at least near it...

Daddy Where Are You?

To call yourself a man, but have the audacity to deny your child; please go play in traffic during rush hour during the Masters! How can you sleep at night knowing that you have stolen precious memories and time from your own flesh and blood? And then to be spiteful to the mother of your child and try to justify it! That sickens me to no end, no child ever asked to be brought into this world, but it is your duty and responsibility to take care of the life you helped produce. Seeing men run around and spend their money on new shoes, clothes, cars and other toys but refuse to buy your own baby diapers and then get angry because you're being put on child support; umm if you did your part from the beginning like you did when you were laying that pipe, there would be no need for the government to dictate how you provided! If you can be grown enough to put your penis wherever you want, then be man enough to take responsibility for the life that is now in this world! And if you have multiple children, that's the choice you made, so as Spike Lee said "do the right thing!" If that is too much pressure for you and you want to continue living and acting like a little boy, keep your pants zipped; no one, child or mother should have to suffer because you don't want to grow up and actually be a man first, a father second!!

Ode to the Haters

Ok, so seriously, here we go giving recognition to the "haters"...again. I mean maybe it's just me, but when did it become cool or the new thing to do to praise people who don't like you or want you to succeed? There will always be people who are jealous of your talent, skills or blessings on your life, but you don't have to acknowledge them! I mean c'mon, Jesus had the whole world hating on Him, did you see him saying "big ups to the haters?" And what trips me out on a whole different level are the people who run their mouth the most claiming all these haters have absolutely nothing of mention going for them!! They work at Burger King with no benefits, have the oldest car in history, live in government housing or the next best thing, have four kids and three baby daddies, have a drug habit, no ambition and their highlight is balling out at Citi Trends so they can go to the club! (Yes , I know these examples are exaggerated, but you get my meaning). Welfare, government assistance, a disability check or drug money does not qualify you to be hated on! Personally, if you don't have the nice house, the luxury vehicle, the job with benefits and a salary that is ridiculous, or a lavish lifestyle, I really don't know what there is to hate on! If you were to die today, and the legacy you left behind was just some gossip, then hunny no one is hating on you, they're just stirring the pot b/c they're bored and need something to do. Do something of importance and meaning with your life, go make a difference and be a positive example to someone! If you stop spending so much time focusing on your "haters" and start focusing on your future, you might have something legitimate for someone to hate on!

Church Folk Are the Worst Folk

Remember I said one time that church folk are the worst folk? Well honey, I'm saying it loud, proud and all up through there!! Church folk are giving the true meaning of being a Christian a bad name. See, I'm real about mine; I tell everyone one I'm a saint in progress, but this good girl has gone bad and doesn't want to come home just yet. But the thing is, I'm trying. Yeah, I drink, hunch, curse and act a plain heathen from time to time, but I am not trying to hide it, never have, never will. Now don't get me wrong, I used to be one of those Bible thumping, tongue talking, quoting hell fire every time you saw me until I realized how truly detrimental that was to me as a Christian going through the motions and to my friends who I thought I was helping by judging them. I have seen hypocrisy at it's worst and in my own home. And let me tell you, that isn't a good look and it does nothing but cause the sinner to shake their head and choose to stay home rather than come out and experience the true anointing and spiritual blessings God can offer. Like really, I've been told that if I'm going to do my dirt, don't do it close to home because some people wouldn't understand...Umm really, like are you serious? Negro please, I'm doing my dirt at home, on my street, in my bed, shoot on my couch if I want to, because all hiding it does is make it worse and you look like a bigger fool once the truth comes out. Like seriously, claiming celibacy while you jumping all up and down on the dick and then looking hella crazy when you come up pregnant; yeah celibacy doesn't have loopholes or days off. And do you really think it makes you look holier to sneak out late at night to the club you think no one will see you at and slow grind with your girl? Like if she's sucking your dick out of town it's ok and no one knows? And lusting behind closed doors on internet pages is still lusting homeboi, and y'all kill me preaching against homosexuality when the choir director has more sweet in him than the boy performing in drag every week. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying go out and sin and brag about it, I'm saying if you mess up, fess up, talk with Jesus and keep it moving and strive to do better; stop sneaking around sinning so you can point your finger on Sunday at the girl whose hair smells like a Black and Mild or look down on the guy who just lit a joint on the  way to church. Being a sinner doesn't make you a bad person, and being a good ol' church folk member doesn't make you a saint. I really think that the "sinner" would have more respect for Christians if the church folk were less focused on hiding their dirt, and more focused on actually being saved according to what God said, not man. Just a thought, but you wouldn't have to hide your dirt if you weren't so busy trying to get dirty.
Every sinner has a future, and every saint has a past; some of y'all need to remember that...

Thank You

I appreciate all the lies
They helped me see through your disguise.
Thanks for the hurt and pain
I saw how much I had to gain.
I'm glad you played me for a fool
Showed me I was better off without you.
Glad you couldn't make time for me
Claiming you were always too busy.
Thank you for being you
Because I never would have had a clue.
I found how to discover me
And embrace my true beauty
I'm glad your words were nothing but lies
I'm happy my eyes did nothing but cry. You healed my mind, gave me back my soul
Helped me realize that I needed to be whole.
Thank you for you, well what you were not
I discovered a new life, and I love what I've got.

This Is Our Problem

This Is Our Problem
I have come to realize that many of the increasing problems in our community stem from lack of direction and guidance. Growing up, our parents and grandparents looked to their elders for knowledge, wisdom and age old advice about coming of age. Fast forward 50 years and look at what we have; grandpa trying to catch him a hunny while rolling around in his Cadillac on 22s, and grandma running around with a faster behind than a girl who just hit puberty! What has happened to the elders of our past, why are they looking down to us and doing what we do? Is it to stay young and fit in? It saddens me to know end to see someone my grandaddy's age calling me little mama, or trying to come on to me with a vulgar pick up line; have you no shame? I'm supposed to be looking for a man who possesses old school character and dignity, and instead I see you walking around with a pimp lean and wearing Roca Wear; wtf?!? And grandma, I thought you were supposed to be the one teaching me secrets of the kitchen and what I meant to be a morally upstanding lady; instead you're twerking in the club harder than and trying to take my man home, umm excuse me?!? I'm placing blame where it is due; on our youth, but more on our elders; they are simply following in the example that has been set for them and honestly we as a whole need to do better. Can we go back to the days of self-respect, character, and dignity? I guarantee you, we as a people will survive a lot longer that way than being caught up in this living fast to die you mentality, I'm just saying…

Can We Solve Our Own Problems?

Can We Solve Our Own Problems
Men marry women hoping they never change; women marry men hoping that they will. Discussing this topic the other day with a friend, I realized that many couples have relationship troubles b/c they start off wanting different things. Men are visual and date/marry what they see in the here and now; for them marriage is the end, the goal, the final prize. But for women, we are motivated by the potential, the future ambition; for us a relationship or marriage is only the beginning, the tip of the iceberg, the beginning of the journey. I've come to realize that for men that cheat, it isn't because they want someone younger or prettier, they want the idea of who they were attracted to in the first place. Women we fail our men and ourselves when we become comfortable and routine; you didn't attract your man in sweat pants and a hair scarf, so why do you expect him to stay when that's what you now bring to the table? Yes, we may work full time and be just as busy or even busier with a family, but that is our role to play. We can't hate the other woman for giving our man what we were too tired or comfortable not to give him! And we can blame him for straying if we pushed him in that direction with our house shoe clad foot and gave him our flannel clad ass to kiss. Likewise, men, we were attracted to the dreams and desires you had, the potential you possessed; that's why we fell in love, and your charm and chivalry sealed the deal. We want that back. In today's society, complacency equals failure and we are doing our best to achieve on every end.  When you stopped opening doors and admiring our beauty, we stopped opening our love; can you blame us because you let another man touch our heart with his words and ideas and captivate us with his charm because you felt we were a prize to put on the shelf? Can you really be angry that we strayed when you replaced us with the fellas, the game, or ideas or recapturing your youth? By no means do I condone cheating, but we must personally examine ourselves and our relationships on a daily basis to keep them alive and exciting; what you did to attract them, the same you have to do to keep them. Ladies, cook for your man in nothing but some heels, guys take her on a picnic and show your sensitive side. At the end of the day, love doesn't mean a thing if there's nothing for it to grow old and flourish on.

*This article was featured in the July/August edition of Mahogany Lounge*

Letter to my Father

 Sometimes I wonder if I'm angry b/c you weren't the father I wanted, or if it's b/c you weren't the father I needed. Every woman wants to be "Daddy's little girl" but that's a concept I know nothing about. I remember crying the day you came home from jail; not happy tears, but angry bitter tears b/c you brought with you a love that was too strong for me to understand or accept. I try to rationalize that the way you treat me was the way you were raised, but how come you couldn't see that the hurt done to you, you were doing to me? I'm older now and I feel as if I never knew you, and the more you change, the less I know and understand. My heart and mind wants to blame you for failing me as a dad, but that takes too much energy; just easier to walk away and be done with everything. I want to love you, but it hurts me to keep you in my life. I blame you for my fear of love, marriage and kids; I lost my faith b/c I couldn't separate the man from the "man of God." I'm trying not to, but it's so damn easy to place my issues at your feet. Maybe one day I'll be free of the burdens I carry, and I'll be able to deal with you; but today, I just can't...

Good Ol' Church Folk

I have always heard that "church folk are some of the worst folk." Question is, do the church folk know or even care how they are being perceived? Seems to me that "Christians" are spending too much of their saying they're saintly and acting the complete opposite and then sit back and wonder why so-called "sinners" refuse to step foot inside a church. What distinguishes the church from the world when the pastor is an alcoholic, the deacon beats his wife, the choir director is a queen and the church mother is getting her swerve on with the next door neighbor? And how is the light of Christ suppose to shine when adultery, fornication, profanity, jealousy and inconsistency on a grand scale lives, thrives and reproduces in the church? Don't get me wrong, I understand that we are all human and even though we walk by faith and proclaim the good news of Jesus, we err and fall into the weakness of our flesh. However, we aren't supposed to dwell in it, and act like we aren't doing it, yet talk about and judge someone who is openly admitting their faults and/or flaws. Personally, I think the church and Christians are trying to portray that being "saved" means you are perfect and have no sin. Let me tell you I am a saint in progress, a sinner in recovery and that is not where I am or want to be; being perfect is unattainable and isn't what having a relationship with God is all about. God is here to teach us love, faith and to help our fellow man and do our best to live a life that is acceptable unto Him, and not just on Sunday or on Easter! In my opinion, being saved is about admitting that you are flawed, and also understanding that through a personal relationship with Christ, those flaws are minimized. Somewhere along the line, Christians forgot that being saved involved actually having a relationship with God and allowing Him to control and operate our lives, not walking around seeing how well we can hide our sins. I am striving to live a life more spiritually in tune with God, but I am human; I use profanity from time to time, I love to hunch and keep a "friend" for when my bed gets lonely (He is working in me on that daily) and I like to go out and toss back a few with the girls and get lifted from time to time. But I am not content to live my life that way and accept those weaknesses in my life; I daily ask God to keep me in His will that as I grow in Him less of my flesh man will interfere with my spiritual man and my life can emulate His in the best way I can. Being identified   as the hypocrites should be a slur to the ears of Christians, but I guess the Church is too busy judging each other and everybody else to actually focus on living a pleasing and acceptable life unto God. Maybe playing a role is okay for some, but I'm trying (believe me it is very hard and my flesh is weak) to make positive changes and improvements in my life that will allow me to show the hand of God on my life and also compel a sinner to live their life in a more pleasing manner unto God.  Because something tells me God is not sitting up on His throne with a glass of Crown and Coke talking about scooping up lil shawty and rolling back to His mansion to get laid, and I seriously doubt Gabriel is up there beating on Mary and using the Bible to justify his actions.

You're Single because You're Bitter

Being a bitter Black woman really isn't attractive; kinda sad that a lot of women don't even realize they're bitter or angry and that's whats causing men to be turned off, not their weight, or flaws. Oh and that constant extolling your own virtues, please sit down; let a man see your attributes for himself, stop shoving them down his throat. Let me elaborate; you are single because you are bitter and it's coming off you like a cheap perfume! You walk around wearing your hurt at the last man on your shoulders like that new handbag you just bought, and hunny it is super tacky! You were hurt; so what, it wasn't the first time and I doubt it will be the last so please stop it! Not only are you keeping yourself shielded and telling all the good men out there that want to get to know you that your issues have you all messed up, but you are keeping yourself from healing and moving on. And telling a man how you can cook, clean and take care of him does nothing but make you look desperate and needy. How do you honestly know how to take care of a man when you are constantly yelling about how you have been hurt and letting yourself go and then throwing yourself at every dick you see?  I mean really, have some self-respect and stop it with the "bitter bitch-itis." I have been hurt many times and badly, and let me tell you I didn't realize I was starting to become bitter until it got pointed out to me and that is sooo not the move! Being bitter only brings you down, makes you come across as unapproachable and keeps you from finding your happy. If you thought being bitter was bothering your ex, please look in the mirror and slap yourself because he has moved on at least two times since you decided to play Beyonce's "Me Myself and I" and declare that you were through being hurt and you were going to make any man who came after suffer and pay the cost. The only one paying is you, and for the poor man that decides he's going to pursue you anyway, you just messed his head up and now he's running around here thinking that being the nice guy is overrated and you are one crazy hoe! And it kills me to see women getting angry because they're single and want to call men dogs and talk about how there are no good men around when they are the ones driving the good men away because their view is blocked by their bitterness. I have been guilty myself of wanting to follow that path, but at the end of the day all I was doing was hurting myself, like you bitter woman are hurting yourself. And it seems more prevalent in the Black woman that bitterness becomes our best friend; is it really his fault that he hurt us when we shouldn't have been messing with him in the first place? All the warnings were there, labels on his forehead and the manuscript for his life said "garbage" and we still wanted a piece of him. And we are mad at him because everything he said he was, he actually was! Bitter Black Woman Syndrome is so overrated and all it does it make things worse for you and the next Black woman, no surprise really when Black men start pursuing dating options outside the race; I would to if all I had to choose from was angry, mad, hurt and make 'em pay!! You're tired of being single and getting hurt by the wrong man, stop giving your time and  heart to everyone piece of testosterone you see, and look at yourself and see what you are doing to contribute to the failed relationships you keep having, and please throw away the bitter perfume you keep spraying on yourself; it's last season and probably expired anyway!

What's Wrong With the Black Man?

I almost feel that the Black man has been destined to suffer. From his introduction into the society that we call America or home, he has been raised to live in pain, fear and defeat. So, I wonder, is it honestly any surprise to anyone especially us as Black women that we find good Black men few and far between? Oh good Black men are out there, I have the privilege of being friends with quite a few, but what about those bad ones; the ones who would rather hustle in the streets than hustle on the job? Or the ones who would rather lay up in some woman's bed and then disappear when her stomach blooms with the fruit of their fucking? What about that bad Black man who refuses to acknowledge that he doesn't know how to be a good husband or father and beats his wife and child because that is all he knows? What about those Black men that just don't give a damn just for the hell of it, the ones that seem to be multiplying like roaches because they can? Those are the Black men I wonder about? You might be reading this and you're probably thinking this is the rant of a hurt and bitter woman, but no, that is so grossly inaccurate it's laughable. What I want to know is how do we as a society and Black women in particular begin to heal the damage and hurt that these men are suffering from and work to actually instill in them a desire to become that "good Black man?" During times of slavery, Willie Lynch ideals stripped them of their manhood's and roles of being a protector; to do so would mean the loss of limb, suffering numerous beatings or being killed. Watching Massa take his woman and rape her, sell her and mistreat her or even kill her slowly began to strip the Black man of his dignity and his identity, especially when his own family viewed him as helpless. And what about now, women receive more government assistance in the form of food stamps, welfare etc, if they don't have a man in the home; isn't that raising our Black society to disregard the Black man and his role in the home and in life? It's no surprise to me that few Black men know and  understand how to truly treat a woman when Uncle Sam told his daddy to beat it, and mama co-sign for extra government income. The Black man is no longer being groomed to take over the family business, go to school and obtain an education and provide for a family; instead he is being taught to hustle in the streets for a set of rims, fresh shoes, to wear his work on his back rather than prepare for a future and leave a legacy that can be admired and emulated. So what do we do, where do we go from here? Do we just accept what is and keep it moving, or do we as a Black community actively try to  make a difference? How do we get the Black men to acknowledge they need help and work to change their outlook on life? No, I'm not saying these men are helpless and need to be held by the hand because every day they make the decision to exist in a life rather than live one of meaning. The healing process can only begin by facing the hurt and damage that has been prevalent for so long, but do they even realize it exists, do they even want to? So what do we do, how do we help heal the Black man?

After It's Gone, Then What?

Y'all are going to get tired of me talking about Black people; shoot, I know someone of you probably think I hate being Black, but you are far from the truth. I love being Black and that's all I  know, and when I see a problem, I'm going to speak on it, so here goes...
It seems that we as Black people in particular measure success in the physical things we obtain; from that new Mercedes, to that new Louis Vuitton handbag or even the new pair of shoes that we spent two paychecks on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having nice things, and when I finish paying off some major bills in my life and getting myself on a path that I can enjoy, I plan to indulge in some of the finer things in life as well. But all of that is just things, stuff; what happens when at the end of the day it isn't new anymore, someone hit your new car, that Coach scarf is last season, those Gucci shades are scratched up and you broke the heel on that nice pair of shoes, then what? Will you still be able to brag about what you've done or what you have achieved if it is no longer new an the attention you got from it fades? There is nothing wrong with extolling your own virtues and greatness, but honestly greatness speaks for itself. Martin Luther King Jr.  didn't have to talk about how wonderful he was, his actions represented that. Harriet Tubman didn't brag about the success of the Underground Railroad, she let the freed slaves tell it like it was! It seems to me that people that constantly brag about what they have going for them really don't have anything of worth really going at all; when you have to brag and shove at people what you do, that's an insecurity issues that needs to be resolved and done so with the quickness. Buying things to prove to others that you are successful will only leave you broke and still seeking acceptance. And all those friends that come around for the free stuff and what you can do for them will leave you as quickly as that last dollar you spent. Honestly, until you start using your "stuff" to reach out and touch someone else's life and truly make a difference, you are just as broke as the people you look down on. Yeah you may have bought that $100 pair of shoes or might have been the first one on your block to purchase that new whip, but true success comes from how you touch the lives and impact others. Attempting to bring me down by blinding me with your bling or boring me with the tales of what you did and how you did it mean nothing if it was only for your own personal good and gain. Until your greatness and success begins to speak of itself without you having to bribe people with free drinks, trinkets, club entry or rides in the new car, keep the bragging to a minimum; your noise is drowning out real people doing real things and make a real difference.

Premature Celebration In My Book

So Osama has been allegedly killed; for me I can't truly rejoice in this because regardless of his position in the world concerning terror, he was a creation of God and even the angels mourn the loss of life. With that being said, what exactly is everyone celebrating? Do you honestly feel that because one man has been killed that the war on terror stops and everything will go back to being peaceful and we will all be happy? I  mean really, what makes you think that Osama was the man in power behind all this terror, this is a movement that has been in operation for quite some time, and did not start and will not end with Osama. Yes, I'm happy in a sense because it means all the lives lost, both soldier and civilian were not lost in vain, and yes we are one step closer to hopefully coming to a resolution and ending war. But we still have world poverty, world hunger, homelessness, the AIDS epidemic and other countries still at war that need to be helped. So until we fight to truly end all of those problems, we really have no reason or room to celebrate. And call me the cynic, but I find all of this very suspicious; how convenient that Osama is killed in time for reelection, and how ironic that he was allegedly killed over a week ago, but nothing was mentioned? Oh wait there was a royal wedding going on that week, it would have been dreadfully tacky to mention both of those side by side on the news. Not to mention, there have been too many conspiracies  and crazy mess the US government has been involved in to not be suspicious of everything they say and do; MLK assassination ring a bell?  We as humans and Americans in particular are too trusting in what we are told and in what we see. Now is not the time to be celebrating and relaxing because one man of man is dead; if anything we should be even more careful and even more alert. Not even about to go on a Bible thumping rampage, but everything happening from natural disasters, to war to famine and disease has been on the Earth's plate for a very long time and is finally being served. Regardless of what you believe, everything is happening for a reason and if you think this is all just some strange occurrence in society, well you might want to rethink that. Being happy that one man is dead doesn't bring back the lives of all the innocent that were lost, but if it makes you feel better to celebrate, go right ahead. Me personally, I'm going to continue to pray for all those involved and ask God to protect our soldiers who put their lives on the line and I'm do what I can to help all the other problems that we have in the world. Osama might be dead, but your neighbor is still hungry, homeless, suffering from the financial crises and dying from AIDS; care to celebrate that one?

Dear God

Dear God, it's me again, Jeanine. I know you are getting really tired of hearing from me but I'm not certain if this is a joke or some really weird lesson you are trying to teach me. Either way can I please have a peek into the future to calm my nerves and let me know everything is going to be ok and I'm not destined to end up alone with like 5 cats and a bunch of flowers? Trust me, I'm not bitter, but I just need some answers because I'm getting a little frustrated and I think I'm developing some wrinkles. But like seriously, what is the deal with these men that keep popping up in my life, I mean eww, all I asked for was a decent, honest, good man and every time I turn around I'm meeting every reject from here to Timbuktu. If he isn't missing a tooth, he has gold teeth, or he's still wearing Coogi and Roca Wear (must be a southern thing) and his idea of dressing up is throwing on the Stacy Adams; umm please tell me there are more to my options than this? Then you have the ones with 3 baby mamas, 5 kids, hustling by day, dreaming by night and calling himself an entrepreneur; Negro, you're almost 30 why in thee hell are you attempting to make rap your career? And Lord, why are these men trying my mentals; no you cannot hold my car, no you cannot have access to my money and no you cannot move out of your mama's house and into mine, what do I look like taking care of a grown man, and why are you still living with your mama talking about you helping her out; chile please her name is on the house note and she's paying all the bills. Apparently asking for a good man is so overrated and everyone's view on good is vastly different, how is that possible? And bless their hearts, there are some good ones out there, I've had the pleasure of meeting them, but why Lord are they so young? I refuse to date some 4 years younger than me and be labeled a cradle snatcher and I do not have time to be a babysitter or nurturer, isn't that what their mamas are for? Then you got me good, really you did and I guess I'm supposed to laugh, but I'm not sure it's funny. I just knew you sent me a wonderful guy with potential, everything I could have asked for but I didn't. Then he had to up and leave to go find himself; umm excuse me, what is he looking for: an arm, leg, lung, eye, what? Are you trying to tell me I need to go find myself, because I am really confused and tired of going through this wasteless routine, please give me a sign God that this is only temporary and that I am not destined to deal with crazy men and their situations. And I am not asking for someone who is perfect because between you and me I'm far from perfect and have my own issues to work out and I am not trying to put expectations on him that I refuse to live up to. I mean I'm working on getting myself together, so I can bring something great to the table when the time comes. I really expect to be able to sit on my porch in a few years with a glass of wine and laugh at these  situation with my fiance' or husband. But right now, this is soooo not funny and this is a completely hot mess if you ask me. I guess in the meantime, I'm going to focus on school, work, my own happiness and getting my finances and mentals in order because at this rate, if I keep doing the same thing, I'm going to end up bald, crazy and miserable and I am too sweet and wonderful to be walking around looking like a mess! Ok, I'm good now that I got that off my chest, until next time God, thanks for listening to me, this always helps!

We Are Crabs Because Why Again?

So, apparently I missed the memo: unity is a thing of the past in the Black community. Somewhere along the line, it become socially acceptable to stab each other in the back and beat down our brotha or sista in order to obtain our own success. You would think that after years of slavery, oppression and opposition, we would have learned how to stick together and unite to do great things. Apparently I thought wrong; it's a shame that a people descended from royalty and greatness have been reduced to acting like selfish, jealous, immature idiots!! Since I moved to Augusta, I have seen nothing but overwhelming displays of the crab mentality; from photographers talking about one another, to club owners competing for business, hell even the poetry scene is being bogged down by idiots trying to determine who has the biggest dick swing; yeah this is ridamndiculous!! I want to say that the church is the only place that still retains common sense, but even there I've seen ignorance; show boating from the choir and trying to steal God's spotlight with that pathetic attempt at singing, umm chile please!! Maybe it's because this is a smaller, slower paced city and negativity is more noticeable because of that, but I can only imagine the greatness we as Black people could achieve if we worked together instead of against one another. I mean really, why are we the only race that attacks our own rather than stand together against those trying to destroy us? It used to be we had to worry about the White man attacking and killing us because of racism and bigotry, now it's our own kind killing each other out of jealousy and ignorance. Call it wishful thinking, but I want us to get it together, and I think we can do that. Unfortunately, I believe we may have to destroy ourselves before we come to that conclusion and make an honest change...

If It's Just A Number, What's the Big Deal?

"Age is just a number;" well that's what all the young men keep telling me when they approach me wanting to spend time and get to know me. My first reaction is always appreciation for the compliment, but my second is rejection; what can a younger man offer me that an older man cannot. Being only 26, someone one 4 years or more younger than me in my opinion has not truly had a chance to live and experience life that someone my age or older has. What can they offer me that would set them apart and have me risking the feeling of being a pedophile or babysitter. And please don't tell me it's sexual because early 20's is still discovery time for a man so he is still learning his body, what he wants to try and what he does or doesn't like. So we take sexual prowess off the table; can they offer mental stability or emotional commitment? Are they genuinely ready to settle down and have children, are they capable of stepping up to the plate and handling marriage, a mortgage and living expenses of a family? Does someone that young know how to truly cater to a woman and stimulate her mentally as well as sexually? Will they be willing to trade in their forces and ball caps for loafers and a sexy blazer? Will they appreciate attending a play on a date rather than going to see the new movie? Is he willing to wine and dine me and no I am not talking Applebees or Red Lobster. No I'm discrediting anyone younger because I have always dated a year or two younger, but at the same time I dealt with issues that could have been solely contributed to lack of maturity. Now I will not discredit anyone young or who is in a relationship with a considerably younger man because there is always the one story that defies the odds. But personally I want to meet and date a MAN who is willing to treat me like his WOMAN, not his boo, g/f or old lady. Maybe I'm being selfish and neglecting to think that maybe this young man is attempting to be in my life because they are meant to learn a lesson from me, but honestly, I'm still developing and fine tuning myself; I don't have the time to babysit or train up a boy and make him a man. Personally, that's his mama's job and if she isn't able, that's a lesson that life just has to teach, and that will only come with time and growing up. Call me wrong, but as appealing as a younger man might be, I just can't see myself attempting to settle down and get to know a boy who's barely legal and still growing his facial hair...

Wide Open

You had my heart wide open, far more than sprung, because in you I knew I had found my end all be all,
I knew I had found my true one. Now I'm hurt, my mind's broken open trying to decide if it was your actions or your words I put so much hope in. The ugliness of your truth was hidden in the beauty of your lies, or maybe they were hidden behind the love which they wore as a disguise. The more time passes I want to cry, curse and hate you, but I can't because I feel that keeps me more Love's slave to you. So I guess now it's up to me to take your lead and assume the role you chose to play so well; forget about you, forget about us. Forget about me one day becoming a we. Forget about love making us one, forget about telling single "honey, I'm done!" You can call me bitter, but right now I call me strong, because a broken heart can only survive being broken for so long. Maybe when I set us free, in the future things will change and you and I will come back to be. Yeah, you had me wide open, far more than sprung, but that's a good lesson learned, guess I needed that one. But it's ok, everything is alright; because I know love still loves me and sooner or later I'll be just fine...

Sex Sells, But Is It Worth It?

So they tell me sex sells in our society, so who's fault is it when we get burned? Is the fantasy of the wet dream they describe to us so good that we will do whatever it takes at the risk of our happiness, sanity, security etc? And then who's to blame when our children see this same dream and act on it and end up suffering from the consequences? Yes the scantily clad woman or the half naked man looks very appealing and it helps ease our guilt of buying that car we can't afford or that outfit we didn't really need or doing whatever it was that appealed to our basic lust, but when the dream is no longer and we wake up to reality, who is going to take care of the mess we are in? That naked man only lasted for 30 seconds until the next commercial  came on and that naked woman was only tricking to get you tricked. And then how can we tell our children that sex isn't everything when we prove to them on a daily basis that we can't  help but be controlled by our lust? And who's fault is it when they take things literally and capitalize on the selling and end up with an STD, pregnant, or caught up because they wanted the fantasy of the wet dream? Yeah sex is selling and doing a very good job of it, but do we really like what we are buying or are we just too dumb to realize that it's just a fantasy and we don't get the guy/girl in the end? We just get stuck with the bill, unfulfilled dreams, an empty wallet and an unsatisfied hard on. So is it really worth is to keep buying what sex is selling, I mean at the end of the day are we getting what we truly want, or what the "man" is telling us we want? Who's really getting satisfied and "cumming" us or them, just a thought...